Whore. Bitch. Hoe. Cunt. Hussy. Hooker. Prostitute. Harlot. Slut.

An immoral or dissolute woman. Obsolete. A dirty, slovenly woman. A female dog. A woman considered to be sexually promiscuous. Or simply a woman with the morals of a man.

Who do you call a slut? Personally, I use the word for people that annoy me or don’t want to share their food with me. But never have I called a person having sex with many different people a slut which seems to be the way most people use it. Because if I did that, there would be no doubt I would have to call myself one, too.

I know for a fact that I’ve been tagged with this word by some people and there are certain reasons why: in my eyes, girls in a relationship feel safe calling a girl having fun a slut because it proves to them that they are in a luckier position. They have a boyfriend and as long as the girl is faithful, no one out there is likely to call her a bitch. It also seems to pop up when someone is outplayed or has feelings for the so-called ‘slut’. It’s so easy to say, it’s a reason to feel better about oneself. As for me, I’m a sexually active person who doesn’t make any efforts to hide it which makes me an easy target for slut-shaming. Don’t worry about me though, I’m aware they’re all jealous and hurt because I fucked their boyfriends or broke their hearts – don’t take that statement too seriously, please. But what is most important about what I’m saying is that the people who called me a slut are not, and never will be, important in my life.

The situations when it happened to me had the same pattern: me and a guy hook up, I tell him I’m not looking for a relationship and that he should only keep in touch with me if he’s ok with that. Flash forward a couple weeks or months of what I believe is unattached fun, he admits he has feelings, I don’t, he tells his friends I don’t want to be dating him & they call me a slut. End of story. How the fuck did this happen? When did being honest equal being a slut? When did people become incapable of hearing the truth? His friends could have just told him that he might not be handsome or clever or fun enough. That it simply wouldn’t work. But of course, blaming the other one always is the easier and more satisfying way. You know, I would get it if I told the guy that I might be interested and then kept him waiting for months only to dump him. Even though that wouldn’t make me a slut I could at least see where the motivation to call me one is coming from.

And what about the men? This topic is so overly talked about, yet all the talking seems to lead to nothing. A guy fucking three girls in one day is considered a hero but think about the reactions a girl would get if she proudly bragged about how many men she had in one night. Why are we forced to be ashamed of having the same sex life as our male friend? Why is it the exception to hear ‚you go, girl!‘ after pulling the same sex-tricks as the guys among us? What is it that makes me the slut and him the hero? And where does this stupid giver/receiver-thing come from? Sex, no matter if it’s with someone you love or someone you just met, is about both (or maybe even more) people wanting to be pleasured. And people have different ways to do so. Just because you’re into slow sex with evenly distributed domination it doesn’t mean everyone is. It’s just a question of attitude. With this I’m not saying that every girl must be a blowjob-enthusiast. If it’s not your thing you can stick to your principles, of course. The point I’m trying to make is that no girl should feel guilty or ashamed because of anything they did sexually.

So how about we all just go out to have sex right now? In a bed, a toilet, your car, your mum’s car, with your boyfriend, your girlfriend, a stranger. Let’s all be sluts and this ridiculous problem will be solved forever. Come on guys, let’s make this world a better place.

Want to read more by Adame?

https://stripped-magazine.com/category/columns/nomen-est-omen/