It really pisses me off that I’m writing this right now. I’m not a whiny person and I hate nothing more than people pitying me. Just a simple “Aww, it’s all gonna be okay” makes me furious. So, disclaimer: I’m not writing this because I’m whiny, it’s because I’m a little shocked.

Just recently I realized that, in my life, I’ve only had sex two guys who were decent and nice to me as well as the other way around. There was a single nice one and then there’s my lovely fuckbuddy whom I don’t really talk to. But still, he counts!

With all the others (and that’s quite a majority) there was always some problem. Either they wanted to be in a relationship, which made me the slut ruining their lives because I didn’t want to commit, or they simply treated me like shit and insulted me as often as possible. Since I’m not looking for a boyfriend I never really let it get to me. But recently I realized how humiliated a “normal” girl would feel if she heard all that bullshit. If I was trying to find the love of my life among these guys I’d be seriously depressed now.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t worry about comments like “Are those fake?” (note: no, I never wear acrylic nails), “Please remember that this is just sex” or “Let me tell you how the world works bla bla bla”, which I hear from guys who, in fact, are just looking for sex. But honestly, I adore these statements. I love it when guys don’t get attached and I have some more quotes to have a laugh about. I don’t have a problem with the insulting underestimation because, luckily, I know myself really well and my ego is too big anyway. And I’m assuming that my ego actually is the reason guys like to make those comments. Because they think it makes them stronger and puts me “where I belong” or whatever. If only they knew I belong in places they’ll never dream of – gosh, ego… please try to pull yourself together!

Then there are the guys who want more than just sex; but the weird thing is that they say the exact same things because I’m always stressing how much I hate romance. I have no idea how I should be happy about those statements, though. Just because I don’t like cheesy compliments it doesn’t mean I want to be insulted. When did “I hate romance” become “I want to be insulted”? Of course I like hearing compliments. Just not the cheesy ones.

But why doesn’t it make me sit in the corner, crying like a train wreck, like the majority of girls would? It’s not only because of my gigantic ego, it’s because they will all remember me. Maybe not with any positive thoughts and maybe not as their masturbation model but at least I will never be remembered as what I think is the biggest insult in this universe, mediocre.